What To Do When Others Constantly Let You Down

Managing expectations can be a significant source of anxiety, particularly when others don’t meet our standards. Cultivating self-awareness and accepting differences are crucial steps in reducing frustration and improving relationships. Research shows that effective communication, empathy, and stress management techniques can enhance mental well-being. Read on to get the goods.

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We all have experienced the frustration and disappointment when others don’t meet our expectations. For many, this leads to anxiety and stress, impacting daily life. But what if the solution lies in managing our own expectations rather than trying to change others?

This article will explore strategies to cultivate better self-awareness and acceptance of others, backed by scientific research. By understanding and implementing these strategies, you can improve your mental well-being and foster more harmonious relationships. If you’re here for the goodies, see below, if you’re here for Jane’s story, take a quick scroll.

The Challenge of Expectations

Expecting others to meet the same level of effort we put into our tasks is a common issue. This expectation often leads to feelings of letdown and frustration, creating a cycle of negativity. According to a community member from the Evolve Ventures Society, this constant cycle can lead to significant anxiety: 

“How do we stop expecting the same effort from other people than we expect from ourselves?”

Self-Awareness and Acceptance

Recognize and Accept Differences

Understanding that everyone has different capabilities and priorities is crucial. Self-awareness involves recognizing your standards and accepting that they might not align with those of others.

Research by Baumeister et al. (2001) suggests that high self-expectations can lead to greater self-regulation, but expecting the same from others can cause interpersonal conflicts and stress. By accepting these differences, you can reduce frustration and improve your relationships.

Communication and Setting Boundaries

Clear Communication: Clearly expressing your expectations and understanding others’ can help bridge the gap in effort and understanding.

Setting Realistic Boundaries: Set boundaries about what you can control. Focusing on your own actions rather than others’ behaviors can lead to more productive use of your energy.

Effective communication and boundary-setting are linked to reduced stress and improved mental health (Smith, 2015). By focusing on what you can control, you can decrease anxiety and improve overall well-being.

Practice Empathy and Compassion

Understanding Others: Try to understand the reasons behind others’ actions. Practicing empathy can reduce feelings of anger and disappointment.

Offering Support: Instead of getting frustrated, offer help or guidance if someone is struggling to meet expectations.

Empathy and compassion have been shown to increase emotional resilience and reduce stress (Konrath, 2012). By fostering empathy, you can create more positive interactions and reduce your own anxiety.

Shift Focus and Manage Stress

Focus on Your Efforts: Concentrate on what you can control – your actions and responses. This shift in focus can reduce anxiety about others’ behaviors.

Stress-Relief Techniques: Engage in activities that reduce stress and anxiety, such as mindfulness, exercise, or hobbies.

Mindfulness and stress management techniques have been proven to lower anxiety and improve mental health (Hofmann et al., 2010). Incorporating these practices can help manage expectations and enhance overall well-being.

Take Jane, for example. 

Jane is a project manager who always puts in extra effort to ensure projects are completed on time and with high quality. She expects the same level of dedication from her team members, but she often finds herself disappointed and stressed when they don’t meet her standards. This constant frustration is affecting her mental well-being and her relationships with her colleagues. Often causing her to leave work with higher blood pressure, an angst in her energy and blood that is boiling still, even by the time she returns home from work to engage with family members. Jane finally said to herself this was the last time she felt this way. After being constantly let down, and frustrated by others, she decided to do something about it, and her life, forever changed as a result. She, like many of us just needed to understand the whole picture, tweak what was in her blindspot and navigate with her updated map, applying the strategies she learned from Evolve Group Coaching. Here’s a summary of what she did.

Applying the Strategies

Self-Awareness and Acceptance

Recognize Differences: Jane acknowledged that not everyone has the same work style or priorities. With the help of her support team, she was guided to reflect on her standards and accepted that others may have different ways of contributing effectively.

Communication and Setting Boundaries

Clear Communication: Jane organized a team meeting to discuss expectations openly. She communicated her goals clearly and listened to what her team members’ perspectives and challenges were, taking into account which were different from hers.

Setting Realistic Boundaries: Jane had learned, through the help of her coach, to set boundaries based on what she was certain was in her control, focusing on her role and responsibilities. She decided to measure her success based on her efforts rather than others’ performance to help her continue refocusing on her performance, over others.

Practice Empathy and Compassion

Understanding Others: Jane invested the time to understand why some team members struggle with certain tasks, especially those she had seemed to be able to do in her sleep. She discovers that some of her team members had in addition to those tasks additional responsibilities or skill gaps she hadn’t before, been able to see nor take into consideration when she’d formerly gotten so flustered with them.

Offering Support: Instead of getting frustrated, Jane committed to offeringing to mentor her team members and provided resources for skill development, taking an active leadership role in their growth and improvement.

Shift Focus and Manage Stress

Focus on Own Efforts: Being formerly someone who was easily anxiety-provoked, Jane leveraged focusing techniques learned through coaching to shift her focus to her own actions, ensuring she maintained her high standards without imposing them on others. She got so good that she even would know when she begin to cross over that line, which would before, trigger her blood pressure to skyrocket.

Stress-Relief Techniques: Committing to the daily practices of mindfulness, Jane took regular breaks to manage her stress levels, ensuring at least three were taken throughout her work day, setting a minimum of 15 minutes per day. She also incorporated playing pick-up tennis, and volunteer weekly walking of the horses in the barn down the street from her house; hobbies outside of work that help her to maintain a balanced life.

By implementing these strategies, Jane noticed a significant reduction in her overall levels of anxiety and stress. After measuring her BPM before and after her coaching, her vitals stabilized, her blood pressure went down, and her relationships with her team improved in a way she’d never imagined was possible for her. By fostering a more understanding and supportive work environment, and shifting her focus inwardly rather than on others helped her manage her own expectations, leading to better mental well-being and more effective teamwork.

Sometimes, professional guidance is necessary to manage expectations and reduce anxiety. More often than not, it does. What’s more is that Jane could have had all of these benefits from her efforts in come sooner into her life, instead by waiting to jump into leveraging the insights gained through coaching, her anxiety grew. Thankfully, she took a chance on herself and had the humility to get professional guidance which helped her see that coaching, therapy or counseling can provide more personalized strategies, insights and support. Managing expectations is a continuous journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and effort. By cultivating self-awareness, accepting differences, and practicing empathy, you can reduce anxiety and improve your relationships.

If you’re looking to further develop these skills and manage your expectations more effectively, consider starting with Evolve Ventures Coaching with Emilia. The Evolve Alignment Call is designed to help you align your goals, improve self-awareness, and foster acceptance of others. Sign up for a free Align Coaching Call today and take the first step towards a more balanced and holistically fulfilling life without the added stress, increased blood pressure, and anxiety. If you’ve found a strategy in this article helpful, please share it with us within the Evolve Ventures Society, we want to hear from you and sharing your story can add to the incredible support and insights that the greater Evolve community co-creates!


Baumeister, R. F., Heatherton, T. F., & Tice, D. M. (2001). Losing control: How and why people fail at self-regulation. Academic Press.

Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 78(2), 169.

Konrath, S. (2012). The positive (and negative) psychology of empathy. The Sage handbook of personality and individual differences, 1, 60-75.

Smith, M. (2015). The power of boundaries: Setting limits to get more of what you want. New Harbinger Publications.

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What To Do When Others Constantly Let You Down

Managing expectations can be a significant source of anxiety, particularly when others don’t meet our standards. Cultivating self-awareness and accepting differences are crucial steps in reducing frustration and improving relationships. Research shows that effective communication, empathy, and stress management techniques can enhance mental well-being. Read on to get the goods.

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